Daily Jokes Gone Viral

Andreas from Munich

A: You look like a Volkswagen kind of guy. Andreas: Yah… I know…right?

Andy from Seattle

My comedy is a mix of hipster with neo-postmodern liberalism. If you don’t know who Ari Shapiro is, I can’t help you. If you don’t know what NPR stands for, you can’t help yourself.

I was a political science major in college.  If you don’t know who foucalt, then foucalt. I’ll let you figure that one out for yourself.

I saw a guy wearing a Duke baseball cap and a Chapel Hill T shirt.  I asked him what team he supports, to which he replied East Carolina. So…my next questiom is…what are you doing in Whole Foods?

So…How do I look? I swear…you guys are like my most handsome audience, and I’m not just saying that just cuzz. (Doing standup)

wholefoods

Daily Jokes Gone Viral (adult version)

roger_rabbit_and_jessica_rabbit_by_krofftfan96-d7jeqg9Andrew from London

My bad habit is running. If someone asks me to do something I don’t want, I tell them sorry, I’ve got to run.

The first time I messed my dating life, I was 19. The movie was called “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,”and I saw Jessica Rabbit. From that point I thought that if a rabbit could get Jessica, I didn’t have to try very hard either.

I don’t watch porn or masturbate. There is no need. I go to grocery stores and look for cute cashiers. I pay attention to the movement of their lips and twinkle in their eyes. When they ask me if I found everything alright, I say hold on and close my eyes. As I feel a certain moist wetness in my underwear, I reply, now I did. They invite me to come again next time, to which I reply, I definitely will.

The truth is simple. Once you’ve screwed yourself up, why screw yourself up again even more? Most do not try to unscrew, they screw even tighter until they are screwed up for life.