Daily Jokes Gone Viral (adult version)

roger_rabbit_and_jessica_rabbit_by_krofftfan96-d7jeqg9Andrew from London

My bad habit is running. If someone asks me to do something I don’t want, I tell them sorry, I’ve got to run.

The first time I messed my dating life, I was 19. The movie was called “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,”and I saw Jessica Rabbit. From that point I thought that if a rabbit could get Jessica, I didn’t have to try very hard either.

I don’t watch porn or masturbate. There is no need. I go to grocery stores and look for cute cashiers. I pay attention to the movement of their lips and twinkle in their eyes. When they ask me if I found everything alright, I say hold on and close my eyes. As I feel a certain moist wetness in my underwear, I reply, now I did. They invite me to come again next time, to which I reply, I definitely will.

The truth is simple. Once you’ve screwed yourself up, why screw yourself up again even more? Most do not try to unscrew, they screw even tighter until they are screwed up for life.

 

 

Daily Jokes Gone Viral Rap Version!

Dre from Chicago

Yo, it goes 1 for the Snickers, 2 for the Twix, 3 muskateers, 4 trail mix, 5 for the Hershey, 6 for kit kat, 7 for the skittles, and at 8 you are FAT!!

Yo VIP, let’s kick it. Aight stop, collaborate and listen. Dre is back with my brand new invention. Something, grabs a hold of me tightly, playing PING PONG daily and nightly. Will it ever stop? Yo, I dunno. Turn of the lightz, and I glow. To the xtreme, I rock my racket like a vandal, lite up the table and burn the chump like a candle!!

His pants are baggy. His stomach, arms are flabby. There are brown spots on his underwear already. When he sat down, the noise he caused was so loud, you cant open your mouth. Time’s up, plough! Snap back to reality, ooh there goes gravity, oohh there he goes,  and back to the pants again, this moment, you own it, you gonna never let it go, no! Would you capture it or let it slip?!

My cat, big and black. Your cat, small and whack. My cat, need no introductions. Yo cat, don’t even function.  My cat, VIP, yo cat, need ID.