Daily Jokes Gone Viral (adult version)

roger_rabbit_and_jessica_rabbit_by_krofftfan96-d7jeqg9Andrew from London

My bad habit is running. If someone asks me to do something I don’t want, I tell them sorry, I’ve got to run.

The first time I messed my dating life, I was 19. The movie was called “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,”and I saw Jessica Rabbit. From that point I thought that if a rabbit could get Jessica, I didn’t have to try very hard either.

I don’t watch porn or masturbate. There is no need. I go to grocery stores and look for cute cashiers. I pay attention to the movement of their lips and twinkle in their eyes. When they ask me if I found everything alright, I say hold on and close my eyes. As I feel a certain moist wetness in my underwear, I reply, now I did. They invite me to come again next time, to which I reply, I definitely will.

The truth is simple. Once you’ve screwed yourself up, why screw yourself up again even more? Most do not try to unscrew, they screw even tighter until they are screwed up for life.

 

 

Daily Jokes Gone Viral: Dating Edition

Andy from Miami

As you can tell, I have a face and physique that is just made for online dating…When I joined OKCupid I was flooded with messages from scantily clad women asking me to click on a link. I even had a long conversation with one asking her how could I tell she is for real. Her last reply was that she was nude, to which I replied so am I, but I am not asking you ro click on a link.

Andrew from London

Girls on match.com only care about whether you are over 6 feet tall, you love the beach, and you love to “have fun.” That’s it. Girls on christianmingle, are born again Christians who love the beach and want you to be over 6 feet tall, and have “Christian fun.”

Every profile on Plenty of Fish says they are not there  for a hook up.  One question. Why did you sign up for a web site called Plenty of Fish?

Andre from Paris

I went to a speed dating event, and I met a cute girl. I told her that I am from in France, and my English is not very good. (Fake French Accent) She said me too, and I said, SHIT! (no accent)

Daily Jokes Gone Viral !!

IT

Andy from Miami

When people first look at me, they automatically think I do IT, and they are right.

Girl, you are so pretty, I want to get in your network, but I can’t seem to get past your firewall.

I will never have a good looking girlfriend in real life, so I decided to create one with programming code.

#include <relationship.h>

int main (void)
{
char Andy;
char Girlfriend;
int attractiveness;
union relationship;
if (Girlfriend.attractiveness > 8 or Girlfriend.attractiveness <= 10)
relationship(Andy, Girlfriend);
else
return 0;
}

Andres from Barcelona

Gringo, you think they are nice to you because they actually  like you? Oh…no, they are nice too you because they want your moooney! And when you have no money, its’s like Adios, if you are lucky.

When you run out of money, you can leave Colombia, or you might not even leave!

Edition #8

By Andrew Zwolf, America’s Favorite Freak

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