Drew from Seattle

Drew was born and raised in Seattle, Washington.  He is really proud to be one of the few real locals in the Pacific Northwest. Drew calls himself “the cat’s meow”  since he lives in a stylish studio in the Belltown neighborhood of downtown Seattle.  “He  really loves Starbucks” and  shopping on-line at Amazon.com.  He also cares about the environment and “every issue related to it.”  Everyday he “goes green” by riding  his bicycle to work while wearing  his North Face jacket. Drew doesn’t like to drive because he doesn’t want to take part in  “environmental genocide.” Whenever he does, he makes sure to take out his eco-friendly Prius, which is covered by environmentally friendly bumper stickers, so he can  spread the “Go-Green Gospel.”

gogreenDrew also loves to talk about fashion. He complains that there are no good stores in Seattle, and that people here have no sense of style. Every other weekend, Drew likes to get his hair done and go shopping.  He prefers the color pink because it makes him look like a “sexy biatch.” Besides poor investment  decisions, he says his biggest pet peeves are fashion fau paux and people showing up late for an appointment.  He is also annoyed by the complete absence of recycle bins whenever they are needed and not labeling foods with genetically modified organisms (GMOs). He is disgusted with foods  containing artificial colors, flavors, and GM ingredients like modified corn starch. He thinks GM foods cause cancer and destroy the planet. That’s why he barely eats  anything.  When he does eat, he is willing to pay a little bit extra for food that is labeled organic and GMO free.

GMO free

Drew really believes in “getting involved” and helping the less fortunate. Last Christmas, he adopted a rescue puppy named “Gus” and a  “big family” who live somewhere in Colombia.  Apparently, he pledged to keep the entire family for two years for just $39.99/month.  Moreover, Drew claims that he is supporting his family every time he buys fair trade coffee in Starbucks. He has two separate pictures with Gus and his adopted Colombian family in his cube. Every Thanksgiving, he volunteers at a local homeless shelter. He makes sure to take lots of pictures for Facebook, so everyone knows he was there to “give back to his  community.”

adoptafamilyDrew can’t stand his real family who he describes as ultra-conservative, right-wing, and low-middle class pretentious pricks. When his folks, Jerry and Judy, are not kissing ass at work, they are the most boring people at home. All they talk about is where they are going to hunt, fish, and eat. They also don’t really care about politics because they will always vote Republican since they don’t want to pay any taxes, although they don’t make much in income. They would even vote Republican if they didn’t have a minimum wage, and their health insurance was take an away from them. Sometimes, they like to bicker among themselves on going to be elected to the home-owner association committee.  They like to brag about how they go to Church and Bible Study, yet they judge other people and think they are better than people they don’t consider to be “Real Christians.”  Drew only visits his home on Christmas and Thanksgiving, so he can take pictures and tell everyone in his office what a great time he had with “the fam.”  He also makes a visit every April, whenever he does their taxes.  Every now and then, Drew invites his uncle Bob for gelatto to talk about stocks and whatever he saw on the “History Channel” that year.   Uncle Bob was always the “oddball” in the family before Andrew came along. Drew admires his uncle because he is over 70 years old, and he is still working as an electrician in order to support his side of the family who are “useless.” Andrew almost feels sorry for Uncle Bob, who most of his retirement money on penny stocks. Andrew insists that penny stocks are for people who are too desperate, greedy, and lazy to follow real stocks, but uncle Bob won’t listen.
In fact, Uncle Bob is willing to invest more in those stocks and says that tomorrow he will be a multi-millionaire.

Penny-Stocks-RollingDrew likes to say that there is one topic that is near and dear to his heart. He describes his day job as the most exciting in  the world.  He has been working as a tax preparer since getting his  bachelor’s degree in accounting from Central Washington University. After doing 1040s for individuals a few  years, he decided to get his Master’s degree in taxation from  Central as well. After that, he switched over to the “dark side” and started preparing 1120s and K-1s for corporate clients. Recently, he got a promotion to be a senior tax associate  for a local CPA firm in Seattle. He considers his tax skills to be somewhere between myth and legend, including his ability to memorize every line item in the  Qualified Dividends and Capital Gains Tax Worksheet.

1040 tax return


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